Career Tips

Friends


I actually work in a large office.  Since my supervisor and I are roughly the same age, we made "friends" right away.  She wants to go on breaks and lunch with me.   She tells me personal things regarding other employees that would be fine if I were her confidential secretary, but I am not.  I am beginning to feel awkward and after two years, I have not developed relationships with my peers because of my relationship with her.  I sometimes think that it would be better to transfer, so that I can undo this terrible fix that I have gotten myself into, but, I really like the area that I work in. 

Your supervisor sounds like a very lonely person who feels the need to confide in someone in a lower position than herself because she is leary of her own peers and that she will be labeled a troublemaker or even accused of not being able to run her department due to the shortcomings of those she supervises.

While you should be happy that she trusts you to keep her confidences, two things sprang immediately to my mind:

  1. If something happened and one of those confidences leaked out, not by your doing or hers, who would be immediately blamed for the leak? Would she have your back so that you would not get into trouble for "spreading rumors to hurt another"?
  2. Would your supervisor be willing to listen to your confidences regarding other members of the company you work for? (I am talking mainly about your complaints or differences in opinions of your supervisor's peers). Or would she go to that person and tell them that there are problems?

In other words, she feels she can trust you, but how much can you actually trust her when push comes to shove?

She may just need a sounding board, but if it really bothers you, then tell her that, while you value your friendship, you would rather not hear anything negative regarding your co-workers because you are finding it difficult to have a relationship with them because of your insider information.

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