Stuck and Ashamed
There, I said it. The biggest thing holding me back from getting a new job (I resigned from my last one going on 3 months ago) is that I am completely ashamed of my inconsistent work history. I know some of the reasons for it---I have inattentive ADD (please don't tell me that's an excuse, it's a reason) and I have tried and continue to try many different methods to deal with it. I have a hard time learning new things quickly and absolutely hate to keep asking things over (another pride thing I know). I'm not the most organized person in the world, nor am I the least. And I'm often not good with details unless I'm very interested in them. This said, I lack the three most sought after skills for ANY job--quick learner, highly organized, and attentive to detail. On the other hand, I'm very conscientious, am willing to get my hands dirty and help any and everybody, show up on time, have a very pleasant and attractive demeanor, and don't do drama.
I have a B.A. and I present myself very well. I've had lots of the wrong jobs, but my most recent one as an activity director for the elderly seemed most perfect. Oh, and I don't do office politics well or turn my head to unethical situations, hence the reason I am no longer in this job. I don't think I can do this again because it killed me to leave the residents and I know from experience situations like I found myself in before are rampant.
One positive I have is that I live well within my means and am good at it---a necessary coping skill I developed through the years. So, I don't have to have a high-paying job--in fact, I should take anything now, so people tell me, just to get out there. Problem with that is that I'm embarrassed and feel dishonest applying and accepting jobs that appear less than what I'm qualifed for---some days I wish I just didn't care so much about what others think, but that is not easy and likely not going away.
Anyway, I need to get out of my current funk badly. And if anyone is willing to offer constructive support, criticism, etc., I will appreciate it. I know I have helped folks out before on various message boards through the years and am reaching out for some of that myself now. Thank you, thank you for reading.
I am dyslexic which basically means that I have trained myself to be the most detail oriented person in existence so that I can catch my own mistakes before theya re caught by someone not...well, shall we say wel-meaning....I have met a load and a half of people who think dyslexia should be considered a factor to not hire a person. The other part of this, is that if I am not interested in a subject, I tend to not take the extra care I need to in order to make it work.
My organizational skills are up for debate. I am organized to the point of I KNOW WHERE EVERYTHING IS. Just because someone else goes into my office and drops in a dead faint at my messy desk, I know where the file is or the document, etc.
My son is easily distracted and becomes frustrated because is also dyslexic (studies show that it runs in the family) but, he is easily directed back to the task at hand just by saying his name. He is more apt to stay on task if the subject interests him.
That is what everybody needs to do, really. Find what interests them. The more interested you are in a task, the better able you are to complete it. Unfortunately, office drama and he said-she said rumors are everywhere.
You stated that you really liked your last job which was people oriented. Have you thought about getting a teaching certificate or teaching license. Maybe a Physical Education Instructor. Minimal paperwork involved. I spoke with my son's PE teacher last year and that was one reason he decided on this as a career. He is the teacher and handles the teaching and the assistant PE teacher does the paperwork.
You need to see a therapist. Ask your doctor or public health for a referral. There are lots of things that can be done to help you get a handle on the ADHD. Medications may help, but also there are a lot of behavioral things that you can learn to help you organize yourself. Find out if the therapist can also help you with career counseling. If not, see one of those too. A career counselor can do testing with you to see where your skills, interests and abilities lie. They can show you careers and related fields that you probably haven't considered. Not every job requires that you be detail oriented. That's probably the biggest thing holding you back, but mostly because you're targeting the wrong jobs. If you liked the job working as the activity director there are lots and lots of related jobs that might suit you very well.
So, keep slugging with it and start problem solving. Make a list of what you have to do to get things fixed and start checking those things off.
All the best!
Tess
Good advice. Been there done that though with the medication and therapy. But the very nature of ADD is that you don't follow through, plus the cost is prohibitive. And the side effects of the meds were worse than the positive effects. I even had a coach for a short while and while I know exactly what I SHOULD do, it's like I have a brick on my head keeping me down. That sounds like depression, but it's not in the classical sense---it's brought on by not having the right stimulus (income-producing outlet) and the now many years of the same pattern. I live alone and while I have a few well-meaning friends, I don't like to burden them and try to keep up a strong front. I'm still seeking answers though--I tried supplements before (targeted for low dopamine, etc.) and it helped some--guess what? I stopped taking them, ha. Well, I've ordered a new batch and I'm pledging to stick with it.
I'm not sure about the "lots and lots" of jobs that would suit me very well, but I do know I love working with people who are disadvantaged in some way (taught children for a short time before with emotional disabilities) and I like being able to jump from one task to another. I also feel either woefully underqualifed or overqualifed for most jobs--where's that comfy middle ground, ha? On the other hand, there are TONS of choices available for everything in life, which also paralyzes me! Arghhh.....
Thanks for taking the time to write, Tess.
I understand where you are coming from. My job history is not squeaky clean either. I was terminated from a position back in 2000 and I have been struggling ever since to find a decent job that will last. I have gone to counseling and I take medication for depression. My problem is that I am too sensitive and worry about what people are thinking or saying about me. This is directly related to a couple of bad job experiences where the office politics and back-biting were unbearable. I seem to crave acceptance, I just want everybody to like me. Once I was told that I had very "strong" body language, which I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. At another job, the women I worked with kept a log of every single mistake I made behind my back rather than bring it to my attention and brought it to the office manager. I was new and trying to learn for god's sake! I am friendly and get along well with people (at least I make the effort to). I'm honest, dependable and will go above and beyond to get the job done. I'm not good at handling high-stress situations though. If there are too many distractions I will get frustrated and shut down. Working under pressure with last-minute deadlines and the phone ringing off the hook at the end of the day cause me to get very flustered so my production level slows down and I make mistakes. This has made me realize that I have either chosen the wrong job field or I have lousy skills.
I have worked in the legal field for over 10 years (yes, I know, one of the most likely jobs to present last-minute deadlines and stress) but have had over 7 different jobs in that period mainly due to circumstance beyond my control. I've seriously considered a career change but I just don't have the motivation or money to go back to college. My last job was OK, I enjoyed the work I was doing and got along well with the attorney I worked for but the atmosphere was difficult to work in. That firm actually ended up dissolving in February which leaves me jobless as I write. We were given 2 weeks notice that the firm would cease operation. It actually ended up being a blessing in disguise. This place was poorly managed, there were no job incentives, we were understaffed and overworked, they would not pay us overtime when we HAD to to meet deadlines and the compensation was poor. I was so underpaid and to make it even worse, they hired a young girl with no college education and absolutely no legal experience, which was fine, they originally hired her as a receptionist, but when I found out they gave her a raise and she was being paid more than me I was livid! This happened not once but twice. They hired another legal secretary, no degree, little experience and I found out she was making $4.00 more an hour than I was! I had busted my butt for that firm for almost 3 years. I could go on and on about the office drama there (it was a very small office to boot). I parted that job with a lot of anger and hurt. My former boss did write me a great letter of recommendation. He knew how unfairly I had been treated and tried going to bat for me to no avail.
So, here I am unemployed again and discouraged as ever about finding a decent, long-term position where I will fit in well. I do get calls, people tell me my resume looks good and have been on several interviews but I just can't seem to make the right impression. I'm so tired of having to go to interviews and be scrutinized by people that I feel like giving up. Sorry to ramble, it is good therapy though!
Maggie, if you haven't already, please get & read "Driven to Distraction, Recognizing and Coping wiht Attnetion Deficit Disorder from Childhood through Adulthood." Great book with lots of information on ADD/ADHD in adults as well as children. I don't think it's still in print, but I got my copy cheap on eBay!
My son was diagnosed with ADHD 2 to 3 years ago, and I am likely a borderline situation, so I can "get" what you're going through. You must stick with your therapy & medication, and I would suggest, if the side effects of the commonly used treatment drugs are too toxic for you, that you ask your doctor about trying wellbutrin. Normally used to treat depression, it can also be a first line of defense for milder cases (which you seem to have, as you appear highly functional, if still affected in your work and daily life). One can expect an improvement of around 20% or so, and in some cases that is just enough to make the difference between struggling and not. And side effects are not as common as with most of the other more potent meds. My son has been on it for quite some time, and has never had any negative reactions. It's worked really well for him thus far, but being now that he is entering adolescence, and having the typical problems that adolescent boys with ADHD have (complex math functions, mood swings, etc.) we will probably have to put him on something stronger. But, the med combined with ongoing therapy has been a real help, to all of us. However, for you, as an adult, that may take enough "edge" off the ADD to enable you to get yourself together and do what you need to do in terms of your job search or career choices.
If you can't afford treatment privately, there are social service agencies that can help. If there's a Family Services organization in your area, you can pay according to your ability. Yes, treatment is expensive, and follow through is a problem with ADHD, but you can't let that keep you from it. If you can get on a stable path and gain confidence, once you are in that new groove you will probably not always need the meds or the therapy. Having ADHD is not your fault, and, true, it is a reason for having difficulties, but saying, "But the very nature of ADD is that you don't follow through" is an excuse.... Of course you know what you should do, but going untreated makes it impossible for you to do it! You likely cannot do it through will alone.
You sound like a very hard working, conscientious individual who wants to, and is good at, helping people. I am sure that you can find the "right" job for yourself, but unless you deal head on and consistently with the ADD/ADHD issue, it wil be so much harder on you than it needs to be....
Very best of luck to you!