Is This Thank You Letter Too Much
I' m putting together a Thank You Letter in advance of my scheduled interview for this position. I' m excited about the position and I' m assuming a good outcome from the interview. But, I' m worried that I may be too over the top with this letter. Is it too "me centric"? (I guess if I have to ask it must be, huh?) Or does that enthusiasm translate into benefits for the reader?
Your thoughts? Please feel free to be brutally honest. This is too important to me for me to be sensitive about your critiques!
PS: They specifically mention "enthusiasm" and an "entrepreneurial mindset" in the job description
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I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for your time today during our interview. I know that your time is valuable and I appreciate you spending some of it discussing my suitability for the New Media Director position with XYZ Publishing Company.
I particularly appreciate dour discussion of (I' ll insert questions, concerns, comments from the interview here). As I’m sure you remember I (I' ll restate my responses here to refresh their memory).
While I’m sure you’ve had the opportunity to interview a number of well qualified candidates, I feel that my enthusiasm for the news coupled with my technology and management background uniquely qualifies me for success as your New Media Director. Because I am such a “news junkie”, I know that I would love being involved in the process of bringing it to your various audiences in new and exciting ways. Being your New Media Director would allow me to apply my years of technology and management expertise to an exciting new area, one in which I’ve developed a great deal of interest over the past few years.
As someone much wiser than me once said, “turn something you love into your livelihood and you’ll be a very happy person.” I feel that this position would allow me todo just that!
As I hope you can discern, I' m very excited about position and the prospect of joining your team. Please let me know if there is any further information I can provide you about myself and my suitability to serve as your New Media Director.
Please feel free to call me or e-mail me at your convenience. My phone number is xxx.xxx.xxxx and my e-mail address is xxxxxxxxxxxxx@xxxxx.com. Otherwise,I’ll look forward to receiving a positive response from you very soon.
If I received this I would pass it around for my colleagues' amusement. It is so far over the top as to be a joke. You could improve it immensely by removing the following phrases and sentences:
I know that your time is valuable and I appreciate you spending some of it... Suck up.
As someone much wiser than me once said, “turn something you love into your livelihood and you’ll be a very happy person.” I feel that this position would allow me to do just that! This is the funniest part.
uniquely qualifies me... So even though you don' t know the other candidate' s backgrounds, YOU are the best UNIQUELY?
As I hope you can discern, Condescending and also a weird use of the word ' discern' .
You should probably look up some examples of thank you letters and also get someone to check your grammar and sentence structure before you send. You seem to have some problems with the English language, which is not promising for a Media Director.
My thoughts:
1) It's too long. Most thank you notes should be pretty succinct, two paragraphs at most. No one has the time to read something so lengthy...and I had a hard time finishing it and I'm attempting to critique it!
2) You talk at length as to why YOU would like the position. You mention you're a news junkie and use some quote someone told you once. Not important and definitely not applicable in a short thank you note. Also, that's great that you love the media and would like the position but, so would the other candidates. What do you bring to the table? That second paragraph's purpose is to quickly recap, of course, your enthusiasm for the role, but more importantly, what you bring to the position and to their team. This may include you reminding them of your extensive background in media development, or a project where you dealt specifically with something you spoke of in the interview.
3) For a media role, it feels very "form letter" like to me. Perhaps it would work for a banking or law position, but in this case, I'd personalize it more. Hiring managers can smell a mile away if you've written out some default letter and inserted their information. If you're truly passionate about the role, it won't be hard to write. Simply convey that you wanted to thank them for taking the time to meet with you, you had a great time speaking with them and learning more about the position, and after such learnings, feel you'd be a great fit because of x, y, and z in your background and look forward to being part of their team. It's honest, it conveys your enthusiasm, and most importantly - short and to the point.
4) In response to the other poster's comment, I would also have someone check the grammar and sentence structure. I noticed some noticeable errors as I was reading, which isn't acceptable at any level, much less Director.
good luck.
Do you speak like you write? Of course not! It should reflect the real you.
Trim it way down. All that is required is a sincere thanks with a few other words that very briefly summarize your qualifications for the job.
You sound way too over anxious and bordering on desperation. If you do not get this offer, you will get another one! Take it easy!
1) Don' t attempt to write these sorts of letters at 3AM in the morning!!
2) Don' t try to incorporate too much "advice" into a single letter. What I mean here is that I read a lot of material and tried to incorporate every piece of advice into a single letter to cover all the bases.
3) Go with your gut. My gut told me it was too much and that I should just say thanks, briefly summarize my suitability for the position and ask for the job. At least I felt something was wrong with the letter and posted here to be torn apart!
For those of you who expressed concern about this New Media Director candidate' s writing ability, this is actually a technology position, not a content creation position. So, fortunately for everyone, if hired I won' t be creating content for the media outlet. Rather, I' ll be directing the development of new outlets for the content written by the professional writers. So writing ability or not, I know that I' m qualified for this position because I' ve managed similar much larger projects ($550M+) in the past.
I understand that the employer wanted enthusiasm, and this is surely an enthusiastic letter, but your enthusiasm should show through in your demeanor at the actual interview and the thank you letter should expand on that; not overpower it. Just to tweak your letter a bit, I made some changes which are in the color green and some comments about why I made the changes which are pink. I hope that some of it may help you to convey your feelings for this opportunity.
Thank you very much for meeting with me to discuss my suitability for the New Media Director position with XYZ Publishing Company. Thanks the interviewer without sounding butt-kissy I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for your time today during our interview.I know that your time is valuable and I appreciate you spending some of it discussing my suitability for the New Media Director position with XYZ Publishing Company.)
I realize that your time is very valuable and that you are meeting with many well-qualified candidates, however I am confident that my enthusiasm for the news coupled with my technological and managerial background will guarantee my success as your New Media Director. Lets the interviewer know that you are aware that others are interviewing while allowing your confidence in your abilities to come through. (I particularly appreciated our discussion of (I' ll insert questions, concerns, comments from the interview here). As I’m sure you remember I (I' ll restate my responses here to refresh their memory).)
In this exciting position, I would be able to apply my years of technology and management expertise to an exciting new area, one in which I’ve developed a great deal of interest over the past few years. I know that I would love being involved in the process of bringing it to your wide range of audiences in new and exciting ways.
I don' t really believe that this paragraph needs to be included. A lot of what you have written is not really needed and is, in my opinion, silly and frivolous. While I’m sure you’ve had the opportunity to interview a number of well qualified candidates, I feel that my enthusiasm for the news coupled with my technology and management background uniquely qualifies me for success as your New Media Director. Because I am such a “news junkie”, I know that I would love being involved in the process of bringing it to your various audiences in new and exciting ways. Being your New Media Director would allow me to apply my years of technology and management expertise to an exciting new area, one in which I’ve developed a great deal of interest over the past few years. As someone much wiser than me once said, “turn something you love into your livelihood and you’ll be a very happy person.” I feel that this position would allow me to do just that!
As you can tell, I am very excited about this position and the prospect of joining your company.
Thank you so much for your input! I think you' ve taken a bad letter and made it a really good one, I really appreciate you taking the time to do that!
I continue to be impressed by how generous people on this board are with their time and talents.
I' m cutting out all of my junk and re-posting your version here for others to see and comment on.
Here' s the letter after your rewrite:
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Dear Mr. xxxxxx,
Thankyou very much for meeting with me to discuss my suitability for theNew Media Director position with XYZ Publishing Company.
I realize that your time is very valuable and that you are meeting with many well-qualified candidates, however I amconfident that my enthusiasm for the news coupled with my technologicaland managerial background will guarantee my success as your New MediaDirector.
Inthis exciting position, I would be able to apply my years of technologyand management expertise to an exciting new area, one in which I?vedeveloped a great deal of interest over the past few years. I know that I would love being involved in the process of bringing it to your wide range of audiences in new and exciting ways.
Asyou can tell, I am very excited about this position and the prospect ofjoining your company.
The position is "New Media Director" as in the director of "New Media". This is a traditional print media organization that seems to view anything that' s not PRINT as "new media". In other words, this person' s job would be to develop modern methods to disseminate what this organization currently distributes in printed form.
Thanks again to all of you for your input.