What to do with my angerI am in a really rotten mood tonight, a great start to the weekend. I hate my job so much it, it makes me angry all the time. And there is no place to put my anger. I keep it inside and it broils me. It took all my energy just to stay at work today and not walk out. I have not posted on this site in a very long time, but I am in the same position now as I was then. I work for a complete jerk. EVeryone in the department just LOVES him. He is everyone's "buddy." But I think he is mean, pompous, and hard to be in the same room with. He and the VP of our department are up each other's butt all the time. They love each other. They have recently started getting together on their off-time, and they are going on a business trip together in two months. Gross. They pal around the office, talking very loudly, guffawing and gossiping while I am trying to work. I am tempted to bring headphones in because the noise really grates on me. My boss LOVES the VP. The VP is the father he never had. Recently I heard the VP use a big word in a sentence. I won't use the word here, because who knows who reads this post. But the next day, I heard my boss use the same big word. He imitates him and it is SICK SICK SICK. I cannot compete in my department. The VP likes him, favors him, and pretty much dislikes me because I am nothing like him and don't have anything to say to him. Whenever the VP is around me, his very presence makes my hair stand on end. He is a very small man, but he yells when he talks and he is very aggressive. Then he makes jokes that aren't funny and expects you to laugh at them. He laughs at them, so you should too. It is really tiring. Nothing I do is ever appreciated or acknowledged. I get no thanks for anything. I finished several large projects in the past week on time which was a miracle because we had a quick turnaround this month, far quicker than usual. Thanks? No. Acknowlegement? Never. Today, my boss reviewed a project I gave him that had about 10,000 numbers associated with it. One of them was wrong, due to a mistake by someone else. He looked at me in bewilderment and said, "THIS SHOULD HAVE JUMPED OUT AT YOU. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO FIND STUFF LIKE THIS. YOU CHECK THIS STUFF, DON'T YOU? YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS?" I was biting my tongue, but thinking, how dare you speak to me like that, you ingrate. How dare you berate me for a tiny mistake that could have easily been overlooked by anyone. How dare you treat me like a piece of crap, when 99 percent of my work is perfect and error free, and on time, and I am a very smart, hard worker, and talented, and more educated than you will ever hope to be. And how can you make 15 grand more a year than me? Just because you are kissing the VP's ass and go bowling with him on the weekends? Give me a break. I was SOSOSOSOSO angry all afternoon, just steaming. I wanted to walk out of work. I have had it with this job. I have had it with my self esteem being trompled on. But I need a paycheck, I have kids and financial responsibilities, it is not easy to find another job, I have very little time to look for one. My kids are being neglected right now as we speak because I am on the internet. I need to get off immediately and get back on when they go to sleep after 10:30!!! I hate my life right now. And all b "He and the VP of our department are up each other's butt all the time." Some people seem to enjoy the taste; maybe the odor too. I know you need a job, but try like hell to find a different one, for the sake of your health, your sanity and your children. You don't fit in. That's okay, I wouldn't either. Find a place where you will fit in and be treated with the respect we all deserve. If your employer has an EAP, go see a counselor just to vent. That environment is going to ruin your health and your children need you. A healthy you. Hang in there!
Thank you so much. I really needed that.
I remember reading somewhere that if a toxic work environment is perpetuated, it's the bosses' fault. You don't need me telling you that this is where you are and you really need to get out of there. (sorry) I was in the same situation years ago, and from experience, it is a losing battle. There is no way out but to leave. I took some of my vacation or personal time and spent it working with a recruiter, came back gave my notice, and moved on. True, some may advise you not doing what I did, as there is never a guarantee, and that you might end up jumping from the pan into the fire. There is always going to be problems at any job. (insert any number of objections, etc., here) Think about what the bottom line is?-To get the hell out of there. Worst case scenario: You can't be a parent to your children if you're dead (because the stress led you to an early death). Go drink a beer and try and relax. Think about your next move (which does not entail your boss in the trunk of your car and a shovel riding shotgun, as enticing as that sounds). Just my 2 cents. Peace, TG
Well you did the impossible, made me laugh tonight. Thanks!! I can't kid myself any longer and think I will have any future there or that things will get better. I just have to apply myself to a serious job search and not give up and be complacent. Life will go on once I leave. It will be like I was never there. They won't think about me, and I will never think about them. It will be like those years of my worklife never existed. I am looking forward to that. I know every job will suck in some ways, but it may not suck as bad as this job. And I may have more of a chance of succeeding and contributing. Bob and Pat can have their little friendship, their weekend gettogethers, their business trips. They can talk about me behind my back all they want. They can have their little office parties, talk as loudly as they want, make their big salaries, preserve their big egos. I just don't want to be around to see it anymore. Thanks very much for the support. I have started to feel less angry already. Good! I am glad I made you laugh. You needed it. And there you have it-you see the writing on the wall, and you know what the score is. I was surprised at how the toxic environment really affected me, because at the job that followed, I was amazed how the rest of the working world really was, and how quickly that was forgotten when I worked for the blood suckers. The next job was a little better, not much, but I kept reminding myself that I wasn't at the former place, and that was a relief! The constant stress I had seemed to disappear, and my overall attitude and mood improved 20-fold. That gave me the momentum to go forward and find something even better. (While at the bad job, I had difficulty closing on the deal in interviews because of all the pent up negativity. It got better the further I moved away from the poison). So go have a good weekend and enjoy your kids. Keep me posted. All the Best, TG
You know desireejmars, you are going to channel that anger and all that energy and get yourself another job. This will be but a blip on life's map. Just hang in there and keep fighting, fight to keep your sanity in such a soul-crushing job, fight to keep from bringing home the negativity to your family, fight to get a better job. You will prevail!
I am sure we have all had days like this where it all just boils to the surface. Just know that in your own mind you are doing well and keep everything documented just in case you get a bad review then you have something to toss back at them. I had a boss once that told me to do something and HER boss came unglued - and you guessed it - at ME ! In front of the whole department. When I looked over my screaming top boss I saw my immeidate boss mouthing the words - I AM SORRY !! I was stunned that she was going to let me take the fall for it all but I kept my mouth shut. I eventually had to tell them I needed back surgery due to injuries received by the fact that thay refused to evaluate my work space and I sat funky - and three days later I was let go ! But you know what? I packed my household up and moved 1800 miles away - and I LOVE my new life. Hang in there ! It all looks bad at a time or two Sue A Thanks again. You are right, the stress is driving me to an early grave, with the overeating, worrying, staying up late, loss of self esteem, compulsive shopping to make me feel happier, coming home angry from work, not being able to relax ever, all the anxiety, all the hatred toward those putrid individuals who have no idea how I feel about them and who glorify themselves daily. They feed off each other, each glorifying the other. They are in their own special, elite club. They have all the power, the money, they can talk and yell and gossip and chitchat and sprawl all over each other's offices with their feet up, thinking they are royalty. Why? Because they are better than the rest of us. They are smarter, more successful, and all-around better people who deserve more privileges. The underlings in the department - the rest of us, all 10 of us, just have to sit there and watch like outsiders. Why tell us at a staff meeting that we are all too loud and should keep personal conversations to a bare minimum in the office, or else no overtime will be permitted - when the person who is telling us this, namely the woman boss, is the worst offender of all. The three bosses are the absolute worst. Their constant gossip and chatter all day is deafening. They LOVE to hear their own voices, so they talk as loudly as possible. They talk like they want everyone else to listen. Then they whisper amongst themselves, then break out into laughter. It is so nauseating. Well, they can keep their stupid VIP club that they created. Makes them feel so important. I feel like I am back in high school again. Why do grown men like that have to make such a display of themselves. Their egos are enormous. When they die, nothing will be left of their consciousness because it is all self-consciousness. They are so wrapped up in themselves there is nothing left. In a few decades we will all be corpses in graves, anyway. So we are all equal. I read that somewhere recently. All their money, their cars and homes and stupid job titles will be left behind. What will it matter. I overheard the VP talking about an acquaintance of his today. He said, "He's worth five million now. I really admire that." Yeah, the VP admires anyone with fancy titles, accomplishments and money. He is so status-driven it is sick and everyone can see that. His secretary was telling him about her brother the other day. She said he works for X Company. "Doing what?" the VP said, anticipating she would tell him he was some high-up manager or someone of importance. "Oh," she said, "He just does clerical work." The VP acted let down. "Oh," he said, and dropped the subject. The VP brags about himself, his family, his friends, all the time. His son and daughter are in elite colleges and win an award for something every week of their lives. Who the f cares. No one cares. I wish he would shut up. Well I should end here. I could go on and on all night about these losers but I should stop myself before I do so. Thanks again for your post. Thanks to everyone who responded to my posting - I really appreciate all your comments and support!
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Career Tips
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