really screwed up!I am really in trouble. Not only did I get myself a 2nd DWI in 10 years-I now have the option of being demoted to a $10 an hour job or be terminated since I can no longer fulfill my duties in sales which requires driving. No job, probable jail. Still have to figure out how to get to this $10 an hour job. I have gone from being a professional person, homeowner, single parent of college student to the biggest loser on the planet. I am scared to death, have no where to turn, can't go back. All that and 45+
What on earth do I do and how do I even begin here?
At the risk of sounding glib, you should quit drinking, maybe attend rehab, at the very least quit drinking and attend AA or a similar 12 step program. I know of someone who spent 6 yrs. doing hard time for a drug thing, don't know the specifics, after he was paroled last Dec., though he had great disdain for the condition (of parole) that he attend meetings, he immediately received job offers from people he met in AA. I don't drink or drug, but it worked so well for him, I have considered attending myself just to network.
You need to make a serious life change. I'd start with a rehab program. You're going to need to continue in a program such as AA after that as well. Tess Not to judge, but are you for real? (Paris, it that you?) Is it not clear where you need to begin? I'm just asking. I am not an addictive personality, and may not be able to understand how clouded your comprehension of the situation is. I've never had a DWI, can count speeding tickets on one hand, and at 52, have been driving since age 15; that's a lot a lot of driving. I almost never drink anymore, but when I do, driving is not a consideration or temptation. No, you can't go back, you need to run, don't walk (or drive), to rehab. For yourself and your child. I will not preach or be a Dr. Phil here BUT as an adult, you have to admit you have a problem. As an adult, you should have learned your lesson long ago. Get professional help and stop associating with people who are leading you to drink. You must accept responsibility here. Perhaps you have family or personal issues. You must take care of these issues while staying away from alcohol. I drink and I know darn well if I drink and drive that I can injure and possibly kill someone. If I have 4-6 mixed drinks I do NOT drive. I ask a friend or a colleague to drive me home. Here's what I would do. Get professional help (AA) and stick with the program even after you feel you have kicked the alcohol problem. Change your lifestyle. Lose your friends who are alcoholics and who will not get help. Next have a serious talk with your manager and explain to him/her your point of view on this situation. Then tell them how you plan to attack this problem. From there, you must be on good behavior even if it is 12 months after the fact. You will always have that cloud above you and you will be judged more critically than your colleagues. As someone who knows addicts in and not in recovery, I have something to share: 1. Make sure you keep going to AA meetings, even once you detox. Not going to meetings is the single biggest risk factor to relapse (so I've been told by those maintaining their sobriety--the scientists seem to think it's my #2 below.) 2. You are going to have to face the fact that you will need a new set of friends. It will get lonely. Plenty of us move to small towns on a daily basis. Look at it as a way to start over. Hanging around drinking buddies or in places where you used to drink is going to trigger cravings. Unfortunately that will never go away. If you are still drinking--and let's face it, stopping is going to be a tough first step--drink drinks you don't like all that much. It helps you pace. If you go out, don't go out till late at night, i.e. close to bartime, so that there's not a lot of time for you to drink. Sipping on a drink you don't like will take you longer to finish it. If you nurse two (normal) drinks over the course of two hours, you should be ok.
I'm with everyone else. You need to start going to AA or a similar program. Statistics tell us that people that drink and drive are rarely caught so I have to imagine you have done this numerous times to get caught twice. If you must drink then keep a supply of alcohol AT HOME. Drink at home and DON'T drive until you can sort things out in AA. The fact that you can't control your drinking when you are out shows that you have a problem. As adults we all must take responsibility for our actions and this is your wake up call. It is up to YOU to fix YOU. The folks at AA can help you, but you need to go in and get help.
Caedmida, I'm sorry that you're in this position. Personally, I have no tolerance for anyone who drinks, even one alcoholic beverage, and drives. You said this is your second in 10 years, so I'd not jump to conclusions that you're alcoholic. You do, however, suffer from poor judgement and that's something only you can fix. Make it a rule for yourself, a pact with yourself, that if you do go out to drink or drink at home, you'll not be anywhere near the keys to a vehicle. As to getting to work, is there public transportation, ride share programs, a decent bike route? A taxi is always an option and is expensive, but may be your only recourse. A salesperson without a vehicle is in a hard spot, and you're learning that lesson. Don't forget it - grow with it. It'll only make you a better person. Teach your young one not to follow in your steps. Let him (or her) see what drinking and driving can do. It may be the best lesson he learns. I hope things work out for you. You are so right about the statistics. Over the years, I have enjoyed meeting with friends or the occasional happy hour after work with colleagues. If someone else was driving, I enjoyed getting a bit tipsy, not to the point of a.m. hangover. I was earning a very good salary and purchased a blood alcohol "breathalyzer" from the Sharper Image so I would know if and when it was safe for me to drive. I was appalled to learn that only one #### put me over the legal limit. A rude awakening to say the least. I had driven after 1-2 drinks many times, felt fine, NEVER drove recklessly or pulled over. Had I gone out frequently or even weekly, the outcome could have been much different, my life irretrievably altered, possibly other lives also. Needless to say, I NEVER drink and drive. There just is no excuse. If a person can afford to go out drinking, they should also have money for cab fare. CAN'T BELIEVE MONSTER CENSORED THE WORD C O C K T A I L!! Great advice! You clearly have more insight than most. Still, for many of us, me included, 2 drinks nursed over a couple hours or even a few, may exceed the legal limit. I am the epitome of a cheap drunk. On the other hand, my tolerance for medication is amazing. I am completely unfazed by muscle relaxants and pain medications that cause others to drop. I do not, of course, drive under the influence of any substance aside from caffeine. | |
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