Accidentally Forwarded an EmailHi, Need some advice about this peculiar and sickening situation. Today I was forwarded an email BY COMPLETE ACCIDENT. It was an email I never should have seen, because it was about ME and it wasn't too flattering. And it was written by my boss (let's call him Joe) to another manager (let's call her Suzie). Suzie accidentally forwarded it to me when she meant to forward it to yet another person in the department! Joe asked Suzie if I had volunteered to work on a current project. He wrote, "I'm pretty sure she didn't, but want to confirm, because I want to add it to my list of things she could have done that were above and beyond, this year and didn't, in case she doesn't get an individual performance bonus this year and ambushes me about it!" I nearly puked reading it. Then I thought, what a gift to know this. Now, instead of being passive about finding another job, I have the motivation to push myself toward something better. Last Christmas, Joe didn't give me a bonus because "it couldn't be justified." The VP of our department (my Joe's best friend) ultimately denied my bonus. I confronted my my boss about it, about how this was the first year I hadn't gotten one (in previous years, I worked for a wonderful woman in the company who appreciated me and who was very generous with me). Obviously, my boss felt "ambushed" when I had confronted him. Now the writing is on the wall - this year I won't be getting a bonus, either. It's only May 10th, and the guy is planning his speech for this December, when he denies me a bonus and I (expectedly) "ambush" him about it. After last December, I know in my department bonuses are only for the managers, and I can't expect to get one no matter what. That's the tradition. I hadn't known that before. I have given up the practice of keeping a yearly list of accomplishments, I in no way plan to "ambush" him about the issue at the end of the year. I am working hard, though, and performing very well. I just can't believed he is keeping a list of all the stuff I don't do so he can justify not giving me a bonus again this year. Never mind the fact that I have stayed late off and on during the past few months and volunteered for another project earlier this year. The only reason why I didn't volunteer for the latest project was I was slammed with work and didn't want to stay late every night trying to get that done in addition to all my other work. Bottomline is he is planning all this year for when I confront him about a bonus this December, and there will be none for me . He is writing his little list up of reasons why he can justify not giving me one. Too bad - that's a lot of work for him. He'll never have need to pull out his petty list of why I am a loser. I wonder if it makes him feel good to keep such a list. I wonder if it makes him feel good to be so sneaky and mean toward the one person who works for him, who puts forth great effort every day, who is a hard and intelligent worker, and who really cares about doing a good job. He must be really proud of himself! Why couldn't he have just walked 10 feet from his desk to mine and asked if I had worked on such-and-such project, and ask if I would make sure he knows every time I volunteer for extra work, so he can keep track. Why isn't he encouraging? Why doesn't he want me to succeed? Does he want to have a bad relationship with his only employee? Does he want to see me fail, and is he working toward contributing to that in every way he can? Does he take great pleasure in planning all year to deny me a bonus, when he knows he gets one every year without fail? Does it make him feel special to have power over me, have a better job than me, an office rather than a cubicle, ... does it make him feel joyful at Christmas when he gets presented a big fat extra check and others who have worked as hard get nothing? What would you do in this situation? Would you make it known that you read this email? Would you want him to know? Or should I just keep it to myself and say nothing? Should I nonchalantly forward it back to Suzie, saying, "I don't think this message was meant for me"? Or should I keep all knowledge that I read the thing to myself? I want to get another job. I have little time, being a full-time working mom and having a weekend job. I have three hours a night, and that is spent having dinner and tending to the kids. But I will have to find time to job hunt. It is close to midnight and I have to get up in 6 hours. My wish for the next few weeks is to apply for several jobs, get at least one interview, and be on the road toward getting my perfect job. It will take a lot of hard work and effort, but that is what I need to do. And I will think only positive thoughts, concentrating on the job I want and not dwelling on my immature boss and the dysfunctional company who employes him (and myself). If what I think of mostly eventually manifests, then soon I will be in a better place. I shouldn't just hope that is true .. I have to know it is true. It is hard to be so positive about oneself when your boss really doesn't like you, respect you, or hold you in any importance whatsoever. I tend to think it is ME that has the problem. I am the loser. I am terrible, worthless, just like others think I am. I really can't get caught up in that thinking. THis job is terrible for me, and it is dragging me down into depression and despair. Somehow in the next few weeks I am going to try to dig myself out and take action toward a happier existence, that includes being far away from people who tear me down continually. I wouldn't let anyone know about it. I would, however, make sure I have a copy of it with me during my review as an option. I would also consider taking a copy home in case I ever found him lying about the issue should I list that as a reason for leaving the position. I would think they would eventually realize that they sent it to you, and if they are petty enough, hold it against you for not coming to them about it. Your name is probably going to be tagged on every e-mail response they send until the notice unless you're lost in the BCC field. I am assuming you are a non-manager. That being said, if non-managers don't get bonuses, then why worry about it? Instead of having negative feelings towards him for not getting one, like you shouldn't be, why not be glad you got them before? You now no longer need to try to get one either. The boss now needs to go above and beyond to do the free work you used to do for him. Of course, you need to list those things you do anyway as it relates to the steady salary you should be taking home for your contributions to the company. Your boss won't necessarily remember every little thing you did or did not do over the course of a year unless he keeps a list. I'm not sure how anyone here is going to know exactly what you should do. Bonuses are only one part of compensation. It really depends on your situation, and your situation depends on more than just the bonus issue you're describing here. Are bonuses at your company used to lower salaries and get people to make up for it by being good little doggies and make their owners proud? First off you are not a loser. Granted the email should not have been forwarded to you, however I really think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. I would say you have a rare breed of boss who actually does think about reviews and tracks employees. In all my years of employment I have not had one boss who did anything during the year to prepare for my review. One boss I even had to demand that he complete it, hr would not give raises or bonuses with out the review. In my last position I had to fill in the spreadsheet for all year end bonuses. An employee who had been there five months got four times the bonus I did after being there two years. I also knew the bonus level for managers - over 10k a year! After taxes I got around $150! Reality check what is the rest of the job - do you like it? how long have you been there? are you challenged? Honestly answer these questions to make a decision whether you want to move on. Would you be looking for a new position if you had not seen this email? All that said - there is nothing wrong with sending out resumes and finding out what opportunities are available. Hopefully that very long vent got a lot of this out of your system - try to move past this - it's one blip in your employment history - will you even remember this in five years? This is the very first time he has ever "prepared" for a review. The previous two reviews he gave me he did zero preparation. It was only because I confronted him about no bonus last December that he is now "preparing." AND he is not tracking the extra that I do. He is only gathering ammunition for himself in case I "ambush" him again about not getting a bonus. It is only in my department that non-managers typically do not get bonuses. In other departments, run by better people, non-managers who perform very well get bonuses. I am on a serious job hunt now and will not relent until I get out of there. Now I know exactly what he is doing behind my back and how he thinks of me. My manager is really immature and I have nothing in common with him. He does not like me, and vice versa. It makes me sick when he pals around with the VP of our department. My department is very clicky, and people have big egos. There is no room for me there. Sitting there all day is the worst pain imagineable. It hurts my head. I am buying and bringing in headphones next week to help keep my sanity. Why are people just so mean and nasty, and shameless? There's no need of it. I hope for him and that company to be out of my life as soon as possible. I have been there a very long time, but it is definitely time for me to go.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. And I really agree you should be seeking another position. I would not announce that I had seen this e-mail. Print and store, off site ASAP. Delete. If asked, I would say, yes, I did see it but, it obviously wasn't intended for me so, I deleted it. However, don't jump ship too quick. I don't know what area of thecountry you're working in but, the economy in Northeast Ohio ishorrible. Jobs are scarce. Before you leave, do all you can to make your next job the best oneyet. Polish your resume. Can you get in touch with your formersupervisor ? She may be willing to write a nice letter ofrecommendation. Also, she may know of some job leads, that she wouldrecommend you contact. And, above all don't lose your head.I know how painful it is to be insulted like this. There was atime when I was insulted, and my professionalism challenged"behind my back" too. I used to keep a Bible verse I Cor. 15:58taped in my desk drawer. This verse helped calm my nerves. Andmade me determined not to sink to "his" level. (I won'tspell it out here- I don't think everyone would appreciate thisbecoming a Bible forum / debate.) If this doesn't work for you, tryfinding an appropriate quote from someone you admire. Regardless, remember, you are still responsible for your actions evenif you have been insulted. Prove it , by being 10 times theprofessional "Joe" is. And hold out for the right new position, whileyou are still employed and can afford to. Hope you find "that" job soon! Karen
Only you know your boss and your situation. Good luck in your job search - remember not to bad mouth the previous company or boss in an interview. If you haven't interviewed in a while practice some answers to common questions - Why are you leaving, weaknesses, strengths, why do want their job etc.
Thank yo ufor the support and empathy. I really appreciate it. I am definitely seeking another position, though it is scary to make a move. And who knows how long it will take, with the limited time I have at night. But I am determined to make it happen. It is too bad, because my job is not so bad - easy commute, decent pay, good benefits. But I can't stay, that is obvious. It is so depressing to be insulted, isn't it. I just don't get it. It is a struggle to keep myself from thinking I deserve it. I have saved the email and have not said a word to anyone, nor will I. I am not sure if I will bring it out in my exit interview. We'll see about that. I know it is never in my best interest to badmouth or criticize anyone, even if they are truly horrible. Well, thanks again! Have a good weekend! 1. Delete the email. If they realize the error and ask you about it, you can (hopefully) look them in the eye and say that you didn't read it since you realized at the first line it wasn't intended for you. 2. Find another job. 3. Keep your mouth shut.
Tess This was more than a gift, it was a miracle. You have been granted something that few people will ever experience in their lives; you have been given a glimpse 7 months into the future and you've seen what is going to happen. You may not have the power to change that future, but it is so precious that you've been forewarned. Now you won't have to burn yourself out in the naive hope that there will be some reward in it for you. Don't mention to anyone you read it. Print out the email and keep a copy at home in case he tries to mitigate the situation by telling some wild story about you to HR. Take it easy at the office so you'll be more relaxed when you are with your child. But don't stir anything up or let anyone know you read it if you don't have to. Keep any revenge plots strickly in the realm of your private fantasies. Your boss may be a boor, but he'll be called for your reference, and we already know that he can't keep his opinions to himself. And what was the third party doing forwarding this to someone else anyway? And with the original senders damning words no less. These people sound like they are asking for trouble.
Hey, desireejill, bodwen is right. Also take a look at the following recent Monster.com "Vent!" thread, especially at what samac2212 and I wrote: http://monster.prospero.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?tsn=1&nav=messages&webtag=mstvent&tid=105 Let us all know what you think. As my comments indicate, I've been where you are, too. (So have a lot of us on this board.) Don't let 'em ever fool you with any "opportunity" again. Your bosso has probably been laughing at employees like you for years for all the freebies you've been giving your company in the hope of some sort of ultimate reward while, all along, there's never been any intention of letting you have that mirage of a "carrot" they keep holding out. Just do the minimum it takes to keep your current job until you are offered (in writing)--and accept--a better one. Your current employer really doesn't deserve anything more. Be just as mercenary as your boss is with you. Whatever you do, don't quit without such a job firrmly in hand--the job market in our "Bushed" economy really is that bad, deliberately so. It sounds as though that oh-sooooo-wonderful bosso of yours is like those old-school teachers we all remember who never gave any of her or his students an "A," believing that no student of theirs was capable of meeting their impossible--or deliberately perverse, power-trip--standards. So why does the grading system in most schools have one? Gotta keep those departmental costs down (and, in many companies, prop up the profit picture and the management and execuscum bonuses!). Unfortunately, "live and learn" isn't always pleasant. When you do leave the jerks for whom you work, do make a "nice" but no-doubt-in-the-subtext comment about what your next employer is offering you that your current one didn't. Whatever you do, don't let your current employer know who your next one will be when the time comes--it sounds like you're working for a real bunch of "gems" there, ones quite likely to be vindictive to the point where they might even try to sabotage you by badmouthing you to your next employer. And please don't fall for any "Oh, we never knew" or "Oh, please give us another chance" manure when you give your notice. When you do give your notice, remember that your current employer deserves as much consideration as it's given you. . . . | |
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