Serious self esteem issuesWhat do you do when you have lost all self esteem on the job? The history of what is going on is a little convoluted (yeah, that is misspelled..), but I'll try to explain w/out rambling on and on needlessly. Last year we had a gal go out on medical leave - she had to have surgery and was to be out for 6 weeks - I was asked to help fill in for her. Well, this "filling in" went from a temporary solution to so-called permanent - it appeared I had done well enough with it to warrant keeping me in the position at least long range. It was the factor that led me from part time to fulltime. A couple things about it: on one hand, I knew it was not really an area that I liked, did not have any real mentoring/guidance/help in coming up to speed in this position, but I do know I have put my heart and soul into it , staying late often to try and make sure the most pressing things were taken care of. (I work in healthcare, so when I say something is a pressing issue, trust me, it IS pressing - some things CANNOT wait til tomorrow.) Anyway, bottom line is that yes, along the way I have made some mistakes - some things I did not realize was wrong, due to lack of good mentoring, etc. (in spite of the fact that I have made numerous requests for help....). Bottom line is this: in early April I got a pretty good review, then 2 weeks later got written up and removed from the position. No, I'm not fired, but I have been put in another area. It has been absolutely painful and my self esteem is in the toilet. I don't mean to come off like a whiner, but I have never been fired, much less written up. I am seriously considering seeing a psychiatrist, as I am concerned about stress related/poor self image related health problems. What does one do? I want to look for another job, but with the state of how I am viewing myself, I'm also afraid of how I will come off to other employers during the interview process..........how does one handle this conflict????? I am feeling like a complete looser and I do NOT want this coming through in my conversations with other potential employers............I do feel like it is time to move on, though; and the fact that I have made THAT decision is the only thing saving my sanity. Any suggestions on how to get around the view of myself so that I can get out? Thanks in advance for any ideas/thoughts. An organization or company that does not give its employees adequate instruction, education, and support is a very poor employer to work for. Each company has its own systems, processes, procedures, etc. Those need to be taught, and taught well. Too often, I see people being thrown into positions without any support whatsoever. Perhaps their supervisor is jealous of them, or wants to appear smarter or more knowledgeable so he/she withholds information, or relays information too quickly, or doesn't take the time to properly instruct. When I first started my position, I had no knowledge of how their computer software worked, or how they did a lot of things. My supervisor was ZERO help. He said, "Well I figured out everything on my own by being interested and asking questions. I had no formal training. I'm not saying I'm any better than you, but .... Why don't you ask more questions? I did research on the internet, I asked so-n-so. Look at me, I was in your same position a couple years ago. And look at me now!" In my opinion, if any supervisor tells you anything remotely similar to that, RUN. Companies should not just throw people into positions and then penalize them for "not figuring everything out on their own." YOu sould like a wonderful, hard, dedicated, smart worker. I know it is hard not to let this affect your self esteem. You deserve a better situation with people who appreciate you, a more professional company who treats their employees with greater respect. Stay at your current job while you seek out new opportunities. Once you focus on being in a better place, you will be - it is only a matter of time. I'm sorry this has happened to you. It truly sucks. You should try to avoid negative situations, like jobs, as much as possible in your life ... why tolerate them. And no one should ever have to make you feel that rotten. If they do, you don't want to work for them.
Thanks for the input, deiree - and I appreciate your kind words - I know a lot of us here on the board have been or are in similar situations..........it's ashame, too, cause even if the current position is NOT a good fit, it does not mean we are less of a human being, although sometimes we (or I should say I) can feel that way.. I think I've kown for some time this was not a right place to be, but held on for maybe wrong reasons. maybe it's good in the sense that this situation IS forcing a self assessment!!
Bunny, just remember that the problem is not with you, it's with them (your employer). I know this may be difficult to do as I have been in the same situation as you are now. Start a discreet job search while you still have this job.
I would have asked them why I got a poor write-up and a lateral transfer as a result. Perhaps this information, as painful as it is, could benefit you in some way. Yes! See a psychiatrist. It sounds like this has really affected you adversely. This is just a temporary setback which happens to practically everyone. I do not know how old you are but if this is the first time you ever had such a bad experience at work, you are unusual. Think of everything you have accomplished on the jobs and all your good performance evaluations. Think of your strengths - not your weaknesses. You will get through this, but get some short-term professional help to get you through some rough times!
Bunzo Bunny, I hope you are documenting the issues you are having. If you have spoken to your supervisor about the lack of training and you were still written up for a procedural error that was not totally your fault then you should not be hit with a write up. If your supervisor still insists to write you up, then you should never sign the official reprimand. Provide a rebuttal to that reprimand. You can sign the official reprimand with your signature with the quote, "Signed under pressure from manager/supervisor. This signature only indicates I received this reprimand and discussed it. I do not agree with its contents and will be providing my own rebuttal in the future". That being said, I would seek help from an employer paid Employee Assistance Program. I say this because I was in a similar position and I just let it slide. I was written up so many times in my former job from hell that if anyone looked at my work history, you would think I was the most unreliable employee around. This was not the case. I was this companies most reliable employee; clients loved me and my fellow co-workers always gave me glowing comments about working with me. But I screwed up by not taking advantage of EAP services available to me. I am now in a career that is much better than that employer from hell and I am prospering. Last year I received a very, very generous bonus and have even been asked to lead our team in Macau, Hong Kong, China! Bunny, Hold on--you got a "pretty good review" and then two weeks later, got removed? This makes no sense. Something is missing. Do you understand this? I don't. Were those two weeks scenes of absolute horror and dismay? I really doubt it. Did the review specify areas for improvement, in detail? If it was inadequate, you have no way of understanding the needs for that position. How could you know what they wanted since, like in many jobs, there was no training or response to your requests for assistance? Is it possible to go to the reviewer and ask about this specifically? I mean, ask for concrete and specific details. No generalities or vagueness allowed. I would ask you not to feel badly unless you have a reason and so far, we have seen none. This is a job, not you. Jobs are jobs and they are not a person, a romance novel, a food group or a TV drama--they're just jobs. They are very important but they are not you. You are not a job. You matter more than that. I think I would ask some questions so I could stop beating myself up over a job. | |
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