Workplace Personalities to Avoid

Over the course of my career I have come across a bevy of workplace personalities that have been quite annoying. In my current role as a Work Turtle I pretty much ignore these work personalities as they can only harm my peaceful existence within the shell. Below are the major workplace personalities that I have come across. I’m sure many of you work or have worked with many or all of the below. Remember, as a Work Turtle, lay low and avoid these folks as they will only cause you grief.

Have a secret? It won’t be a secret long if you tell the Gossip. A thirst to know everything about everyone drives the Gossip to pry information out of you. The Gossip has several techniques and will disguise their quest for information as genuine caring. They will begin their interrogation by first exposing something about themselves, giving you a false sense of security. Once you have divulged any juicy information the Gossip is eager to “break the news” but clever in how they do it. They won’t tell a large group of people as that would expose them. They will instead talk with a small group of fellow gossips and allow them to multiple the gossip across the department.

There is never a good day as far as the Complainer is concerned. The Complainer  is dedicated to being completely nasty and negative to anyone in view. While most workers are fearful of the Complainer and stay out of his/her way, there is always someone who thinks they can change the Complainer by treating them nicely. You’ll see this poor soul walking away from the Complainer , mentally scarred and beaten down. In rare instances you will see an alliance of Complainers who have combined their cruelness and hatred for everyone and everything into a group. They can usually be seen in the smoke room engaged in a Complain-a-Thon, complete with hand gestures and flying ashes.

The Optimist: The happiness flows from the Optimist as they are always smiling and greeting you with an array of positive comments. No one in the office is certain if the Optimist is medicated or just naturally that happy as many ponder “how can someone be that happy all the time?” The Optimist will also have kooky phrases around holidays such as “have a spooktacular Halloween” or “my Easter was excellent!” The Optimist is the arch enemy of the Complainer . If these two work personalities were ever left alone together, blood would be shed.

The Workhorse: First one to arrive and the last to leave, the Workhorse is a fixture at your workplace. He’s been at your company for quite some time and revels in that fact with comments like “In my 20 years with the company….” Or “My 20 years of experience with this company….” The Workhorse is an incredible roadblock to change and will use the patented “we’ve always done it this way” comment to deflect any improvements offered. The mystery surrounding the Workhorse is exactly what he gets done in all those hours worked.

The Joker: Everyone enjoys a little workplace humor from time to time, but the Joker takes it to a level of complete annoyance. The obvious calling card of the Joker is the rapid fire “funny emails”.