Hating a Good Job
I'm posing a story not looking for sympathy and not even looking for advice. Just to get it out there. I was a darn good programmer. I'm now a darn good development lead. I've worked my butt off for the company I'm working now. We're currently in the final stages of a major product push in which I have, by all accounts, gone above and beyond anything that could've been expected of me. I've been undercompensated but with a large raise last year and one promised this year, I'm getting closer to middle. Our benefits do suck however I'm slated to take over all software development at the beginning of the year and that position level comes with some additional perks. The problem is, I no longer like the work. The company culture has been a source of great frustration. I've lost interest in the technology and after the push I'm sure to be stuck supporting it for years to come. A large part of me wants to leave for a job in a more popular and interesting vein of technlogy however that probably means sacrificing my managerial role and moving back to 'just a developer'. In addition, I'll likely make little more if at all more than I will be making after this promotion. Another part of me wants to stay so I can put that valuable 'IT Director' title on the resume. The "right" thing to do is to leave. No amount of title or money will buy happiness. But I can't help feeling I'm tossing a short track to a high position. Even though you didn't ask for advice, here's some. Having worked several times in a job I hated, I found that it depends on how the job effects you. One job I really hated but I could see how it was necessary and useful to the organization so I could suck it up and do a decent job at it. Another I just could not convince myself had any value at all and I let it get to me, my attitude was less than zero and it showed in my work. If you can continue to do good work at a job that you're not really happy with, the decision is how valuable will that title be to your happiness. If you can't do good work, you won't last and how will that look? STLDev ~ You didn't ask for advice ~ but you're going to get it anyway. You had to know that was going to happen. I spent a decade in a job I loved -- doing work I loved -- at least I loved it for a while. Until the bullying and abuse just got to be too much, and each and every day there was more like torture than a job I enjoyed and cared about. For years I's been was verbally, emotionally and psychologically abused; at some point, though, I became physically unwell, and was getting worse by the day. As my physical health deteriorated, it felt like things were spiraling out of control. I could see what was happening, but I was powerless to stop it. The last two years I spent with the company were terrible; the last year -- the worst of my life. I was sick, physically, and I was being emotionally tormented on a daily basis. Every time I turned around, something was either taken away from me, or done to me, and I was instructed to take it. All I could do was sit and watch people delight in doing it, because I was forbidden to stand up for myself ~ literally forbidden to defend myself ~ I was ordered to take it, or I'd be fired. When I could finally take no more and I pushed back, everything blew up. No one ever pushed back at this company. I was ridden out on a rail. Just to try and preserve my reputation, I had to file discrimination charges against the company ~ I didn't want to, but I had no choice by that time. It was all out war. And, in the end, although I got a settlement, I still lost my job. I'm now on Social Security Disability, and probably will never work again. I doubt there's anything that could have changed that part of it; I'm sick, and physically disabled, so this was inevitable. Basically, I'm OK with that part of it. I'm 44-yrs old. What I'm NOT ok with is the fact that I WASTED a decade of my life -- the last 10-years of my working life -- BEING MISERABLE. There were always a thousand reasons why I couldn't leave my job. My husband couldn't hold a job, so I had to keep mine. They were counting on me; I was too valuable to the organization to leave -- or so they told me. We needed the money. You name it, I had all the "right" reasons for staying. So I stayed. And I hated it. I can't tell you what to do -- no one here can. The only thing I can tell you is that life is short ~ far too short to be MISERABLE. Whether you're unhappy because of a bad relationship, or because of a job -- it really doesn't matter the reason. Life is too short to be unhappy: for a decade, for a year, for a month, sometimes even for a moment. You only get one chance to get it right in this life. We don't get to hold up our hands and yell, "DO OVER!" If something were to happen tomorrow, and your life were to change drastically -- if this were the last job you were ever able to work -- would you be happy this is how you ended your career? If not, then get out NOW. Make yourself happy. Money is fleeting; titles are fleeting. Happiness, satisfaction, contentment -- those things last a very long time. GO FIND THEM.
MinPin
MinPin, I am so sorry to hear what happened. Your situation made me pause and think about mine in a different light. I am currently temporarily unemployed, through a series of strange moves, I went from my employer of 4 years, to a 6 week job to a one week and then laid off. I left the 4 year job because I needed a job closer to home and more money. My old company had a wage freeze and when they did give raises, they were very small. Commuting expenses were 10% of my income. So anyway, left to work for a small company, but found that I was working in a converted file room in a basement, surrounded by boxes and no easy way out if there was a fire. I have SAD, which means that the dark of a basement and lack of natural sunlight started putting me into a depression. I do not need an office with a window, but I need to be able to see outside. Anyway, I was offered a temp to perm for even more money, also close to home, seemed like a better fit. Well, started the temp job, and the employer killed it after one week. I am very upset, but I know it is probably for the best. The hard part is waiting for the next thing, but at least I know I am not wasting my time somewhere that makes me miserable, and you have helped me see the big picture. I think this is a temporary blip in the road, until I figure out the next thing. The hard part is the lack of professional part time jobs in my area and everyone questioning why I want to work part-time. I don't understand why it matters, as long as the job gets done.... but there are some strange ideas and strange places. MimPin, I wish you the best of luck and I hope that things change for you, that there is some opportunity out there where you can make a difference and enjoy doing that. God Bless Cosmosa ~ You said:
Isn't that what I just did? Made a difference, to you? That's what's important to me, and that's one of the things that I do enjoy about my life now. Things got messed up in my life ~ granted, I had a TON of help in getting things that way ~ but I have something you don't right now: the Luxury of Perspective. It's very hard to stand back from your own situation and look at it purely objectively -- BIG PICTURE IN MIND -- when you're smack dab in the middle of the muck. Having gone through the muck and made my way out of it, I have the Luxury of being able to see it from the other side, and I know what's really important. It thrills me to no end that I am able to share that Perspective with you. In the grand scheme of things, it may not seem like much to most people, but it's enough to make me feel like I'm contributing somewhere. Believe it or not, that helps me get over what happened to me. Since I relocated to California to be near my father, things haven't exactly been a cake-walk. About a month ago, my father was diagnosed with Dementia; the cause of the Dementia is Multiple Sclerosis. Who ever heard of someone getting diagnosed with MS at age 70? It just never happens. Meanwhile, I've been scheduled for triple surgery on October 10 ~ a full D&C, Hysteroscopy, & Laparoscopy ~ to rule out any type of Gynecological or Abdominal Cancers. I'm not looking forward to this; it will be difficult to manage my Secondary Addison's Disease. My body no longer makes Cortisol ~ also known as Cortisone ~ which means if they don't regulate my hormone levels very carefully during and after the surgery, I could die. Pleasant thought - huh? But you know what? That Luxury of Perspective I told you about? Had I NOT lost my job and gone on Disability, I would never have moved to California to be near my father, and both he and I would be going through these things completely ALONE. No one deserves to face these types of medical crises alone. Fortunately, we have each other to cling to -- another Luxury, from my Perspective. It's all in how you CHOOSE to look at things. I'm glad if my story helped you realize you're doing the right thing for yourself. Keep looking, and don't "settle" for something that's less than what you need. My father keeps asking me a question that - often - drives me nuts. He asks, "Do you deserve any less from me?" I'd like you to turn that question around and ask it of yourself, as often as necessary, until you find what you're looking for. When you're down, and fighting the urge to "settle", go look yourself in the mirror and ask the person looking back, "Do you deserve any less from me?" Ask again, "Do you deserve any less than what you need, and what you have come to expect from me?" You know the answer in your heart; this will just make it a little bit easier to follow your chosen path.
MinPin | |
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