Great new job, abusive boss!Six months ago I took a job with a very low base but with a nice incentive plan and a chance for me to learn a completely new industry that I love. I work for a one-woman company so I also get to wear many hats, which I enjoy as I don' t get bored. I am doing great. I am generating most of my own leads and it' s starting to pay off. I have the chance to make six figures and after working for six months, I am starting to realize my financial goals. In numbers, I' ve had the best week yet! BUT....... I can' t stand my boss. She micromanages me to the point of checking my emails and faxes before I send them, butts in on my phone conversations, has tried to humiliate me in front of vendors and clients, yells at me, gets furious over little things, bullies me, badgers me, picks fights with me......sigh. She has great plans for me but I can' t believe she' s blowing it for us!!! I love the job when I' m not fighting with her and I see it leading to good things on many levels but I can' t stand constantly defending myself. I always feel like I' m walking on eggshells. I' ve had very frank talks with her about her bad behaviour and how to get the best out of me but then the very next day she starts a fight with me. She got mad at me yesterday because I wanted to check my messages from my husband who I was worried about as he had been admitted to emergency that morning!!! I couldn' t believe her heartlessness, I work my butt off and do most things (like eat!) on the fly. I can' t call to see if my husband is ok or needs me to pick him up? I JUST quoted two jobs for $20K!!! I AM COMPLETELY ON THE FENCE ABOUT THIS....do I stay and keep putting her in her place hoping eventually she' ll lay off as my hard work is starting to pay off and I' m finally going to make some bank....or cut my losses and get out of there as fast as I can? I am a 44 year old professional woman that has seen a lot of success so I' m no inexperienced kid. My friends who know me tell me she' s nuts and to get another job, it' ll never change.... It probably isn't the best idea to just quit. Send out resumes and other feelers now and when interviews are offered ask if you can meet either before or after work or during one of your "sales calls". (go to the call, but make a detour to the interview). Your boss is obviously a very high strung person and may have had trouble in the past with employees who didn't do as well as you and so feels that she needs to be a pushy indivdual in order to keep you working. What will eventually happen, is that you will either get another job or you will get burnt out and tell her to go eat her shorts. There may be other problems, as well. The company may be in the red financially and she is taking it out on you. She may be having personal problems. And since you have already talked to her and explained that her constant badgering isn't helping you to feel comfortable or like you want to make money for her and it hasn't helped, I doubt that she will confide her personal problems to you or change her ways. On a personal note: Your boss should actually count her lucky stars that you even showed up for work after your husband was admitted into emergency. The company is not in the red, in fact, we are doing better than ever. She has no husband or kids and is divorced twice and admits she is difficult and intense. She does not like to discuss personal problems but I' ve seen and heard how she deals with her family and it ain' t pretty. I don' t think she knows how to manage people very well, in any relationship. She told me a past boss put anti-depressents on her desk and told her to take them!!! I' ve battled with her every day this week and my chest gets tight and I come home every night drained and exhausted. Even though it would be better, I' m not sure I can wait to get another job....I have a husband and money would be tight....I just hate the thought of putting all this effort into a job that I' m really succeeding at just to throw it all away because of HER inability to manage!!!! I just want you to know, I feel your pain putting up with the crapola you' ve been put through. No, you don' t have to put up with this person - but like my Dad always said to me before he passed: "Don' t quit the job until you' ve got a new job secured AND... it' s easier to find a job, while currently employed". I think from what you wrote, until you do find other (better) employment, it' s all about how you manage your s-t-r-e-s-s. I mean on a daily basis, so you don' t completely lose your head. Read my story - abuse from employers comes in many forms. Just know, you are NOT alone. Your boss quite frankly, is insecure - which is why she' s gunning for you all the time. She' s not "blowing it for us" as you say, she' s blowing it for HERSELF. Until you find a different job, you' ve got to emotionally separate yourself from her dysfunctional attacks on you. I know this is a tall order, but you' ve got to be super-tough right now. If your health starts to suffer (or already has), like insomnia, waking up with anxiety, loss of appetite, etc. -- for your own sake & if you have savings or other monetary support to carry you through for awhile --- get OUT OF THERE. Your boss is poison. Don' t go down with the Ship, which she' s managed all on her own, to punch a hole in the hull. Personally, if it were me in your situation, it would' ve only taken her to "yell" at me once: My reply? "Go PACK SAND YOUR IMBICIL". Then, I would' ve have walked out the door. Period. I' m not too worried about getting another job, I' m more concerned with getting another job in this new industry that I' ve been doing so well in. This week, I had so many leads from hard work I' ve done in the last six months...I have over $50,000 out in proposals...that I' m going to make 15% commission on when they close! THAT' S THE HARD PART FOR ME....giving up my hard work, commission, etc. I changed my attitutude a few weeks back to be supertough...and my boss hates it. She prefers a hurt, sniveling, crying me, not the new me that doesn' t take any crapola as you say. We got into another huge fight on the way home from an appointment together yesterday and it was bad. She even said F**k you to me and I said it back. She couldn' t understand my bad attitude. I told her, you push someone enough, eventually they are going to start to push back. I HAD a great attitude for along time. When we got back to the office, she tried to make up with me and wanted to make a "fresh start" with me on Monday as she doesn' t want to lose me. I agreed. But, I don' t think it' s going to work. A leopard, or should I say a 55-year-old leopard does not change it spots. How sick and dysfunctional is that? I feel like the abused wife that says, "he didn' t mean it" after my husband beats me up. How many times can I forgive her and start again? I' m going to start to put feelers out for another job and if I lose the commission, I lose it. The longer I stay, the more I' ll have to lose. You just have to get out of there. I would slowly start with your clients. Ask them how it is to work at their companies. You don' t have to say how things are where you are, you just say that you are always exploring opportunities. There are tons of sales job out there--explore them all--find the websites through Google! You have to think that the stress is really getting to you. Do you want to start at another company with just a bit lower income or wait until you are sooooo angry that you just quit on her--and have nothing. It sounds like it' s headed that way. When you leave, you can just thank her for the experience. If she asks, why? Don' t tell her. It' s not worth it. It may only play against you if someone calls for reference. Besides, she really already knows. You just tell her you needed to more on. It lets me know that I' m not being "sensitive" and that this is NOT how it is at normal places of business. Actually, I"m not worried about getting a job at all. as the pay is quite low from this position and most of the pay is incentive based, I' m almost tempted to get a job with no pressure outside of sales temporarily and just "show up, do my job and leave" until I can figure out what to do again. I signed a non-compete wiht her so I' m not sure if I can work another job in the same industry. We' ll see. In any case, from the responses and my own opinion, I' m going to have to get another job pronto. I' ll start getting my resume out, check the websites and make a plan. With the holidays approaching, there will be plenty of oppotunities to network at events and parties to meet more people that could help me in a new position. I' m really hoping I can make it until the end of the year...only 26 more working days. Luckily, I live in Miami where there is a lot more business in the winter months than summer so there should be plenty of jobs to pursue if I get on the ball. Life is hard enough without having to fight with your boss on a daily basis over petty things. That woman will argue with me whether the sky is blue or not!!!! Thank God for my great husband, good friends and all the very helpful people from this board who help me keep my sanity!! Sounds like you are headed in the right direction. I would seek out an attorney service to help you with your non-compete. Some employers make their employees sign them, but they are not valid in every state anyway. You could also check with your State Attorney General' s office for further informaiton. You may be just fine and have no worries on the non-compete. | |
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Career Tips
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